The never ending quest
I feel like I’ve spent weeks doing very little but applying for opportunities - primarily in an attempt to support my practice financially, but also to support it creatively. This is hugely time consuming. It’s also time spent with the full knowledge that the likelihood of the outcome being successful is minute. The uncertainty and sense of vulnerability this instils, both in the doing and in the waiting for the result, is quite intense.
Friday 20th June
In my studio with an number of things moving around in my head.
I should always print out my draft applications before submitting. Realised mistakes in my Lingua Franca Award application for Spike Island artists and associates too late!
Reading an article from Interactions Magazine on TeleAbsence that was shared with me. It’s a term used in AI systems that focuses on memory traces – subtle, poetic reminders of the past. It’s about cherishing the emptiness left behind, the spaces in between and the gaps in memory. Fascinated by this and keen to incorporate it into my work on grief and loss.
Thinking about applying to Compass Festival 2026 in Leeds with in my skin as they’re looking for intimate work. Where might I suggest siting the performance that is a public space but can be contained, quiet, uninterrupted? I was originally thinking launderettes but I don’t think it would go down too well closing a launderette for a one-to-one performance. Libraries are another possibility, but then there’s the issue of noise. The space needs to be accessible, big enough to allow me to move, to control the light as much as possible, to contain the sound, but also small enough to feel intimate.
Thinking about devising workshops to accompany the performance of in my skin and incorporating the idea of TeleAbsence using the design principles, but without the AI:
Presence of absence – representations evoking a person without attempting recreation
Illusory communication – evoking shared experiences allowing the mind to fill in emotional context
Materiality of memory – objects as anchors or memory, also tactile experiences
Traces of reflection – reflection arising from subtle remnants of a person’s life
Remote time – recreating atmospheres/environment allowing you to experience emotional tone
Sweeny’s Bothy on the Isle of Eigg, Scotland
Thinking about The Bothy Project residency opportunity this Autumn. I want this so badly! How do you make a panel want you for an opportunity like this? Is it about being myself or trying to be clever in order to appear better than me?!
Thinking about Glitter Heart, the performance research opportunity with Liz Clarke. The invitation is ‘to reflect on your relationship to performance-making as an older female or non-binary artist.’ I’m excited to take part but have questions around intellectual property/ownership of creative ideas as I’m already making work in this space.
Thinking about the one-to-one opportunity with artist Jesse Howarth next week. She describes herself as ‘artist and writer’ who ‘tells stories, sometimes making images and objects to perform with. I said in my request that I’d like space and time to talk through ideas for my new work, Your Action is Your Roar, in the context of conceptual art, collaboration, ambition, visibility and funding streams.
Friday 4th July
Feeling like I’m not doing much, but then realising that in the last couple of weeks I’ve:
Applied for the Lingua Franca Award at Spike. Unsuccessful.
Applied for The Bothy Residency on the isle of Eigg. Awaiting outcome.
Applied for the scholarship for Writing the Body, the week-long writing course with Jessica Andrews at Faber, London. Awaiting outcome.
Decided not to apply to Compass Festival
Applied to Buzzcut Festival in Glasgow next April with in my skin. Awaiting outcome.
Developed a much closer relationship with ChatGPT!
Completed RETURNING, a 10 day online writing challenge with Stevie Mackenzie-Smith and made myself a useful ‘Writing Toolkit’ postcard book (more on that in another Journal post)
Deciding whether to apply for the Caravan Assembly with in my skin. This has more of an international performance focus so a real longshot.
Wednesday 9th July
Lots of really useful pointers came out of my one-to-one with Jesse Howarth. Reminding me to place the focus back on the process rather than the outcome by approaching my new piece as a series of smaller projects. Realising that I can share elements of the work in progress within the workshops I’m devising, allowing me to test ideas and get direct feedback. And that visibility can take on a variety of forms, so many of which are readily available to me.
Saw the ‘Myths and Machines’ exhibition at Hauser & Wirth, Somerset. Excited to see the work of Nikki de Saint Phalle in relation to potential costume design for Your Action is Your Roar. Not being afraid of embracing some serious bling!
Thinking about how in my skin might compliment Dan Lie’s forthcoming solo show at Spike. Their site-and time-specific works can be experienced through multisensory channels. Although not focused primarily on physical passing, ‘by giving visibility to materials that morph, decay, and evolve, Lie’s ecosystems highlight the intimate yet expansive coexistences among diverse beings, acknowledging our shared and continuous participation in the processes of living, dying, and decomposing.’
Plan to start a conversation with Diana Lage, Spike’s Assistant Curator for Exhibitions and Public Programme, around in my skin supporting Lie’s work.
Reflections
Applying for things is time consuming but necessary.
This process always pulls me away from my practice.
I need to give myself credit for how much I’m actually doing.
Creative conversations with others are always so valuable.
Keep moving. Keep collaborating. Keep open to opportunities.
